What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
