I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
