Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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