well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
