I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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