ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
