I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
