I wish I only lived at night.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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