I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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