Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
