I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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