he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
