Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
