Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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