dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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