Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The uberlube is also flammable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
