She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
