Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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