Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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