Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
