What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
