You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
