I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
