hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
