My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
