TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
