Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
