have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
