Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
