the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
