I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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