and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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