She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
