SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
