Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
