He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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