do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this will be a night to untag.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
