Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
