dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
