jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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