Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
