first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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