Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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