Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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