I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
