Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
