i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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