I looked at my own cervix.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
