nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
