is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
