i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
